Detached Attachment

Everyone has that one friend in life who is not scared to call a spade a spade and yet is not judgemental about you in any respect. Some find that in a spouse, some in a sibling and some in a friend. I have two such characters in my life and this is about a word used by one of them. The other day I was talking to them and one of my friends was cribbing about taking off from work to attend a religious function she doesn’t believe in. When we teased her about it, she called it “Detached attachment”. The word kind of stuck to me.

The moral fibre of this society, which we live in, lays down a lot of rules and regulation. These rules govern our actions, our reactions and our relations. Any person or situation which is out of the rule book is frowned upon. We are taught to say, obey our elders, in spite of knowing that they are wrong. We are taught to love our spouse till death do us part, in spite of having major difference of opinion. We are taught to wear the kind of clothes or eat the type of food because it is the right thing to do. The adventurous in you may want to break open the barriers, run free like a wild deer, swim like a dolphin and yet we stick to our mundane routine. Routine breeds familiarity. Familiarity is security. Security is safe and safe results in detached attachment.

We want to do something desperately. We have ideas which may not confirm to the rules yet we know we can work on it. Each one of us at one point in time wants to break free but then the age old rules start talking in your head. It binds us, stops us, gags us and ties us. That is when attachment is just an obligation, a sense of responsibility, a fear of the unknown. Maybe and I may be wrong, a woman behind a ghungat all her life may crave for the freedom to feel the sun on her face but the day that freedom is granted to her, she will surely shy away. I may keep saying that I am an atheist and yet every time I cross a temple built on the road my head will bow in reverence.

There are few lucky ones who have the courage to be detached completely and those are the ones who die with no regret. Great men and women who broke the bondages of the moral fibre are the ones who attained greatness be it Gautam Buddha or Kalpana Chawla or Mary Kom or Neil Armstrong. The rest of us coward ones are destined to just become food for the ants when we die.

Happy Detached Attachment people


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