The Inside Story

Being a mother of two boys and at present working with 30 deranged middle-aged men, I consider myself a kind of authority of how the male psyche works. I know enough has been researched and written about the silly species called the MAN but this is my list of the QUIRKY MAN.

  1. Can someone please tell the MAN, that boxers are NOT (R) NOT shorts. I do realize that boxers keeps the family jewel cool but seriously guys when in public you need to wear a thing called shorts over it. And if you decide to exhibit your fitness and go for a run, believe me the checkered or superman boxers that flutter with every sway of your butt is a strict no.
  2. Why is asking for help so difficult? Dude you have had a drink too many. You are a risk to yourself and others. It is ok to ask for help. You are not able to open the lid to the container. Please don’t break the bottle. Ask for help.
  3. Chewing nicotine gum the entire day just makes you look like a cow. It is not going to detox you from the effects of constant smoking, even if you roll your own cigarette.
  4. We women can keep holding placards for equality but honey equality sounds good only when we women venture into male territory. At the cost of sounding sexist, men applying sunscreen every hour, waxing their hands and legs, wearing skin tight clothes accentuating their well-endowed (pun intended) body, wearing skimpy shorts over stick figure legs is a strict no-no.
  5. Ghosts and evil spirits are figment of our imagination. A man touching 40, sleeping with his lights on because his wife isn’t there to protect him is such a put down.
  6. Gadgets and technology does not a man make. Sitting with the laptop open in front of you the entire day without you typing a single word or spitting out big techie words doesn’t endear you to anyone. Believe me a woman cannot be impressed with what she doesn’t understand.
  7. Look into a woman’s eyes when you speak with her. Nothing impresses her more. Way to her heart is through her eyes and not 6 inches below.
  8. Are men given special classes in school which tells them to run away from emotions? Why do you make woman work so hard that she spends her entire life struggling to understand your yes and no which are normally used incorrectly and interchangeably.
  9. Clarity of thought is an aphrodisiac. We may nod and make encouraging noises in a conversation but believe me when I say that we are desperately waiting for you to get to the point. We may not pretend to be as busy as you are, but being multi tasking goddesses we already have hundred things playing ping pong in our heads. We really don’t want your mindless rumbling adding on to it.
  10. Women have the same sexuality like men. It is ok to crack the so called sexually laced jokes in front of them. If a lady takes offence, she is just pretending.
  11. Tattoos are personal, if we need to flaunt them we would put them in places where everybody can see them. It is not ‘gentlemanly’ to search for the hidden ones and give exclamatory comments on them too !!! (no pun intended).
  12. Well toned body is a definite turn on but obsession to the gym is not. If you choose the gym over a date with a pretty lady, my friend you have wasted the calories you just burnt.